0ne Last Picture

I was going through all my pictures today, and stumbled across this one, which I didn't remember but really love. So I thought I'd share it as one last tribute to her. Thank you for the emails, texts, and comments. I know how many of you are thinking of me, and that means a lot.

Day 3

I'm not going to lie, this has been very tough. But I have been astounded by how amazing everyone here has been and continues to be. And I thought that the below story would illustrate this and maybe be a little less down than my last post:

Just after I posted my last post, I was visited by my very drunk downstairs neighbor, who had just received the news via a phone call from another one of my friends. He was always great with Scully, and being my neighbor was the person who saw her the most. I first became aware I had a visitor when I heard fumbling outside my door. It appears he was trying to leave me a (largely incoherent) note, but in attempting to tape it to my door, he heard the TV and realized I was still awake and so he knocked. He then came in and hugged me on my couch and held me while I sobbed. He would not leave until I fell asleep, and made me swear to come down first thing in the morning so he could make me coffee and make sure I had breakfast. He also insisted on taking out the rest of the stuff in my apartment (some larger items, like the gates, were too big to take to Shirin's), and on waiting until I fell asleep to do so. Of course I am the world's lightest sleeper, so I faked a little shut-eye and got one of my first smiles in hearing him stumbling around my apartment and dropping the rather unwieldy and fairly heavy gate several times.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a note on my nightstand with strict instructions to come down for coffee, and a teddy bear outside my front door. But the best part came when I went to get my toiletries out of the duffel bag I hadn't touched since I dropped it next to my front door when I got home. It was gone. In his somewhat compromised judgment,he somehow deemed it to be part of the apartment purge and so took it downstairs to hide it in the basement of his apartment.

Devastation

While I was out of town, Scully got away from her petsitter and was killed by a car. I am so filled with grief it's hard to even type that. But I'm back in Philadelphia after sobbing on a flight all day and my apartment is empty and I can barely breathe. My friends are incredible-- the one who had the misfortune to be with me when I got the call, and the ones who descended on my apartment when I came back, who had rescheduled every meeting I had for the rest of the weekend without me even asking, and who immediately removed everything that was still here that reminded me of what I lost. They also took me out of this apartment so I wouldn't have to be here. But I had to come back. When I open the front door to my building, I see the stairs that lead to my apartment. She would run up those stairs so excited, always thinking we were coming back for a meal. If I let her go and didn't run after her, she'd stop halfway up the stairs and turn to look at me, wondering what the holdup was.

I think about the amazing two months I had with her, and I just wish there was anything I could do to change what happened. I can't help but think that if I was here, none of this would have happened. But I can't think that way, I know. I just wish that I could have protected her more, given her a longer life. She was so special.

I miss the way she used her front legs as arms, swatting at things, climbing, even the way she put them together to hold on to a toy. I miss the way she would climb up to get as close as possible to my face so she could kiss me hello every time I came home. I know all puppies are great and cute, but I know she was special. People in the neighborhood and the dog park would neglect their own dogs to play with her. Her obedience school teacher clearly singled her out in every class even though she was far from the best pupil. But she was learning so much, and I felt like we had come so far from those first days when I had no idea what I was doing and she was just as clueless. She sat as often as possible, largely because she knew it led to a treat. She was going outside almost always. She was even getting the hang of 'leave it', the command to get her to stop eating any of the million pieces of garbage the people of philadelphia leave on the streets.

I wish more of you could have met her. I know it's stupid, but the pictures did not do her justice. She was honestly the friendliest cutest puppy I have ever seen.

I know a lot of you will want to call me, because you are great and I love you. I really am not up for talking about this yet, so please know that I appreciate your support but I can't really handle anything right now. I will be with my family this week, unfortunately not letting them get to know her and letting her have her first California experience. But I know I will be fine.

Giraffe Love

Since I have no time to write, I'm resorting to puppy pictures. Here she is with her favorite toy a couple of weeks ago. The giraffe now has a shag hairdo thanks to some expert shredding.

Second Year Sucks

Here's what second year has been like for me in a rough sequence:

Running the Marketing Conference
Midterm
Recruiting
Midterm
Midterm
Follies
70-page paper, case writeup, need to find petsitter*
Recruiting
More case writeups
More Follies
Finals
Sleep?

*where I currently am in this timeline

Puppy Life

Due to an impending out of town trip, I am forced to find other arrangements to take care of Scully. This would seem less frightening if the really good kennel which basically takes your dog into their home and plays with her all day didn't turn us down for being too young. Also, today was the first day with the dog walker, since I have class from 1:30-6 (and then a review session that would not end directly after), so this nice lady who came and met her on Friday came in and took her out for a half hour. Scully was then left alone for 3 1/2 hours in her crate, which is definitely within the bounds of what she can handle. But estimate that the time elapsed between last seeing me and seeing me again was a record 7 hours. I came home to a dog nearly in hysterics. When I let her out of her crate, she literally climbed up me so her face was level with mind and was crying and licking and biting my face while shaking. I took her outside and she couldn't even 'go' because she just wanted to hold onto my leg. Can we say separation anxiety?

Anyhow, this has made me even more nervous about kennelling her at the vet (if they'll have her), since I think there they just leave her in a room all day with very little attention, and she clearly has issues. I have one friend who has begged me to puppysit, and has tentatively agreed to do it. I told her I'd send her an email describing exactly what's involved so she understands what she's getting into before she truly commits. I thought the schedule might be interesting for those who want to know what my life is like these days (oh yeah, and classes, recruiting, the marketing conference-- over, thank god--, and Follies):

Here’s our typical day:

5:30am Puppy starts whining in her crate. I take her outside and let her pee, I put her back in her crate and attempt to sleep.
7:00am Puppy starts whining again. I take her out, this time to pee and poop. I feed her breakfast, and put her back in the crate (so I can shower, etc.)
8:00-8:30am We go on a walk so she can go again, and then we come home and play in the kitchen. I keep the kitchen blocked off since there’s no carpet and very little she can destroy. She generally amuses herself with chew toys, but sometimes wants me to throw the ball for her.
For the next 3 ½ hours, if I have class I just go. If not, I will continue to play with her and take her out about every 1 ½ hour. She can hold it up to 4 hours pretty well, longer overnight. When I leave her, she’s always in her crate. She generally will not ‘go’ in her crate unless it’s an emergency.

Noon- Let puppy out of crate to go outside and pee and poop. Bring her back inside, feed her.
12:15 Take her on another walk, try to get her to at least pee again.
12:30 Let her play in the blocked off room again, or play with her on the couch with her chew toys. She’s massively teething so generally wants to chew on anything, including my fingers. I always have a chew toy ready to encourage her to chew on that.
1:00 Same as the 8:30 scenario. You can leave her in her crate and go out and do stuff, and/or you can take her out and play with her. As long as you’re back by 5, she’s generally OK. Sidebar—if you want to crate her and say, clean your apartment, write a paper, or watch TV, she sometimes barks and cries because she knows you’re there and hopes to be let out. I have to ignore her, but once she stops the bad behavior I sometimes let her out. This is also why on days I don’t have class I go to Starbucks to do work.

5:00 Let puppy out of crate to go outside and pee and poop. Bring her back inside, feed her.
5:15 You sensing a pattern? We go out again. Try to walk a lot, then bring her inside to play

That ends the big feedings. I take away her water (which I leave in the blocked off room of supervised play) around 8:30, since we generally go to bed around 12:30. I take her out as close as possible to that time. She sleeps in the crate and is pretty good about it. By the time she wakes me up, she really has to go.


Doesn't that sound like fun! If you'd like to petsit, please come visit!

Juliecisco

It's official, I will be back in the Bay Area next year. It's not 100% determined what I'll be doing, but I have an offer I'm really psyched about so there's a good chance I will be helping America keep their whites whiter. And no, that's not a racial thing.